Regency Reader Questions: Forms of Address

Moniker/Name: Pauline M Ross

Your Question: I’m an author writing my first Reg Rom series, and my characters are mostly not titled, just regular gentlefolk. I’m fascinated by the subtleties of how the characters address each other – when a man is Mr Darcy, or just Darcy, or called by his first name, for instance.

My specific problem relates to a husband and wife. I know a wife will usually call her husband Mr Darcy, even in private, but what would her sisters call him? Would they ever be familiar enough to call him by his first name? Or would he be forever Darcy or Mr Darcy? My research hasn’t given me a definitive answer.

Source of Question: Research

Thanks Pauline for the great question!  I think some authors take a lot of liberties with form of address, so its nice to hear of someone doing a bit of research to get it right.

Etiquette was a distinguishing feature of gentlemen and women.  Most were guided by sermons and religious lectures, parental or other (ie tutors, governesses) guidance, and occasionally etiquette books.  Etiquette books would become more prevalent as industrialization changed the class structure…and middle class rose to prominence (and therefore were looking for guidance on how to conduct themselves like the gentry).

To answer your question, I located a couple of resources.  One was primary sources like this:

Etiquette for Ladies: With Hints on the Preservation, Improvement, and .., 1840

Another was by locating others who had done more extensive research on the topic.  Laura Wallace has an excellent primer on the correct forms of address here: http://laura.chinet.com/html/titles12.html and Regina Jeffers also has a post on forms of address here: https://reginajeffers.wordpress.com/2014/11/05/forms-of-address-and-manners-in-regency-england/

Based on research and broad reading of the era, the answer to your question is that a wife’s sisters probably would never call their brother-in-law by his first (or Christian) name.  Its likely they would call him by his titular or surname, especially if they were unmarried, to avoid any implication of intimacy.  They might call him by a nicknamed version of his surname, “Darce”.

First names would be most common among blood relatives, and then again usually when amongst those of the same sex or talking to a younger or untitled sibling (ie, I might call my younger brother Will, but likely never call the eldest anything but Darcy).  Therefore his sisters likely would also call him Darcy, although there may be occasion or reason to alter the pattern.

All this to say that there are no definitive guides and most of this is gleaned from contemporary sources including letters, novels, etc so not an exhaustive answer.  Instead, I would say the formality of avoiding first names appears to be standard practice.

So, if you have the wife’s sisters calling out “Fitzwilliam” instead of “Darcy”, there should be a good reason…like they are improper misses with no deportment, their governess was actually a former actress who has no concept of manners and has been teaching them bad ton, or that you have decided your work of fiction is just that and give yourself license to tweak the rules.

I hope that helps!

Keep the questions coming everyone!

Love,

Anne